I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about things that I need to be better at in my life and though the list is long there is one area that I really need to improve on....patience.
I have written about my issues with anxiety and how I worry a LOT too much about the my kids and their health. (My kids are incredibly healthy.) I have written about how I have tried to get help for this problem and how I was taking medication to try and control my anxiety. I have also written about how hard it was to get off the medicine. That being said, I feel the anxiety creeping back into my life slowly but surely. This time I am not going to let it control me!
I am sure that you are wondering what these two things have to do with each other, but during these last couple of days I have tried to figure out why I am so terrified something terrible is going to happen to my children. I know that they are happy and healthy girls. I know that I should savor every moment that I have them because it won't be long before the will grow up. Time just goes by so fast. I know that I need to be more patient. There have been so many nights that I go to bed and I wonder to myself "Did I tell them that I love them (enough) today? Did I hug them and tell them how lucky I am to be their mom? or Did I just yell and get frustrated with them today?" I don't want to wonder those things anymore. I think that the reason that I worry so much about them isn't so much about THEM, it's about mME and my parenting abilities. I want to be a better mom. I want my kids to know that I am always going to be there supporting them. I want them to know that even if I get mad at them, I still love them. NO MATTER WHAT!!!! I am really working on being more patient with them. I have really had to catch myself and take a deep breath and realize that they are KIDS and they are going to be rowdy, hyper, messy and annoying but they are also going to be sweet, loving, helpful and caring. I am trying not to freak out about the little things that don't matter.
I want to be a better mom and I am determined to do it.
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6 comments:
You are doing a great job! Surprisingly, your post coincided with a post that I have had going for awhile. . . go read it. I love you!
I pray every night that I will be a better mom the next day than I was that day. I'm doing the best I can, but sometimes it is so hard! Like you said, love them lots and just keep trying with the yelling and impatience part (and realize that we ALL have the same problem!)
Hey Candace,
It's your big brother here. I just read your latest blog entry and i just wanted to tell you that you have nothing to worry about when it comes to your parenting abilities. You are a WONDERFUL mother. And Wade is a WONDERFUL father. A blind person could tell that. All I have to do to be able to tell how great a job you are doing is to look at my 2 nieces. I see how happy they are and how much they love their mom and dad and just know you and Wade are doing just fine as parents. Kids are built to test patience; that's what they do. And parents are built to worry about their kids. They'll scrape knees and get goose eggs and get stitches and break the occasional bone. Remember, that as much as it hurts you when they are hurt that they learn from those things too. Kids are information sponges and you and Wade are teaching them well, but they need to learn from their own experiences also. I know in my heart that they will be just fine. I'm proud of the mother that my little sister has turned out to be. You and Wade have set a good example for Brandy and I and we can't wait to experience the gift of parenthood as well. I can't wait for Annie and Brooklynn to have a new cousin. I love you and remember, you are doing just fine.
ditto to everything that has already been said. From what I have seen, and what I hear from Jayne, you are an awsome mom. I do understand what you are saying especially about the expressing your love enough to them. I know that is one thing that I am not good at doing with my kids. My mom never told me that she loved us growing up and I didn't realize how much it really did affect me. Even if you say it once, they know it!! You are a great mom and I can tell how much you love and adore your children. You wouldn't be normal if you didn't get irritated with them at all. Every picture that you post of them, you can see the happiness in their faces and who else made those smiles happen, but you!!!
What a nice brother you have! I have the same issues as you. It's hard to be a parent!
Well, I am not one that can give advice on parenting, because I have no kids, but I can say that I think you and Wade are wonderful parents and you have great kids. Nobody is perfect and always patient. You are wonderful and don't forget it!
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